It has been a rocky road the last few months with Jordan, he is still not strong enough to be at school every day. He has been going once or twice a week depending how he feels. Summer break starts in a week so hopefully by September he is even stronger and ready for more.
Last week Jordan would have graduated high school with all of his peers if he was a" normal" teen. However because he is Jordan he gets to stay in high school until he is 21 yrs old. I have mixed feelings about this. For Jordan I am so happy he gets the socialization, he gets to be around the EA's and staff that care for him so much, he will meet new students and he will love school. As a mom I mourn the idea that I don't see him walk across a stage and graduate high school, I don't get to see him in cap and gown getting sports or academic awards, I don't get to help him fill out college and university applications and have late night discussions about who he is going to be as he matures.....
HE WILL BE JORDAN!! Yes I am thankful he is here and for all the lessons he has taught me, but YES I am allowed to grieve what will never be, what most parents take for granted and what most students see as a milestone, my son will never reach. It saddens me even if for just a moment before I celebrate the wonderful blessing that is my son.
This is often a reminder for parents that our kids are growing up and soon will be adults and need us less, for me this is a reminder that Jordan's needs increase, he needs me more and there is less and less help for him.
It is bitter sweet, but like normal we will wake up and smile tomorrow and handle whatever the day throws at us. He gives me strength that is undeniable, gives me love that is unconditional and teaches me every day more about life than I can articulate.
I am training for Jordan and my next run together. I fear his jogger might not last many more runs, it's so old and wore down but we are doing it. Of course the natural choice for him and I to start running together again was the London Southern Ontario Epilepsy - Seize the day 5km run. the date also marks the 1 year anniversary of everything changing for Jordan last fall. We are surprised he is still here, his doctors have no answers as to why he is still fighting or how he has the strength but he is and so.....WE RUN!!
In closing I will leave you with something Zander said about Jordan last week. We were in the supermarket and he saw the lottery sign and said wow Mom $60 million is a lot of money, what would you do if you won. We then had a conversation about a house built to accommodate Jordan's needs, luxuries that we can't imagine, super cars, dream vacations etc.....and Zander says...."You know what I would buy Jordan Mom, I would buy him the best doctors, the best researchers and the best medicine in the world so he could talk, walk, play baseball and live like you and me and he wouldn't be sick anymore".....My Heart Is Full!!!
Sorry this post is all over the place, sort of like my brain lately. Sooo some of this and some of that...
